Stuff.

drew out my feelings
#arttherapy

I have been in too many tight-spots where I find myself packing everything up last minute, all my belongings (and myself) ending up in a big sweaty rubble, unable to quite squeeze in the boxes or vehicle I envisioned happening with ease, with my only emotion being sheer panic. I am determined: THIS WILL NOT BE ONE OF THOSE MOVES. So I’m starting early.

This little flat has been the first home I could really call my own, the first place where all the things in it (including my roommate) I call mine. We made this ours. It’s not easy to say goodbye, and even though downsizing is one of the things I count as a ‘pro’ in the decision to move Up North, I find that thought “but I could use that someday!” haunting me more than I would like it to.

Stuff Stuff Stuff.

Lately I get frustrated moving it all around, making new different piles out of the old piles, but not DOING anything, just shuffling it around, and I get claustrophobic and I think, JUST BURN ALL IT WITHOUT ME LOOKING.

I once read of a couple who would purposely damage any item they bought (took a hammer to dent up their brand-new car,) just to keep themselves from turning into materialists. I understand the appeal in that because it is disconcerting to feel this connected to inanimate objects. I don’t want that to have power over me. I want to use the things of this world without being engrossed in them.

This might sound silly to some people or extreme to others, but it is actually occupying a lot of my thoughts: What kind of treasure am I storing up for myself? Shouldn’t I be okay if ALL of it was gone?

I’ve always been afraid of living a passive “default” kind of life where my ambitions naturally begin to boil down to making a safe place for myself to live and breathe and keep my stuff, then getting more stuff until I die. The parable of the Rich Fool in Luke 12 speaks loudly to me:
This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I'll say to myself, 'You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry.'
But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'
This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.
What does it mean to be "rich toward God" or "store up treasures in heaven"? I want these to be the questions burning in my heart as I purge my belongings this move instead of "how can I live without this thing?"